Feedback That Will Actually HELP You (And How to Give It!)

Encouraging constructive feedback

Feedback That Will Actually HELP You (And How to Give It!)

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The secret to giving great feedback The Way We Work, a TED series by TED

Title: The secret to giving great feedback The Way We Work, a TED series
Channel: TED

Feedback That Will Actually HELP You (And How to Give It!) - The Messy, Beautiful Truth

Alright, let’s be real. We've all been there. You’re expecting some insightful, constructive feedback…and you get…well, blah. It's either sugar-coated fluff that leaves you feeling like you're living in a cotton candy cloud, or a brutal takedown that makes you want to hide under your desk and never come out. Finding Feedback That Will Actually HELP You (And How to Give It!) is like stumbling across a hidden oasis in a desert of vague pronouncements and harsh criticism. This ain't some polished, perfect guide, mind you; it's more of a messy, honest conversation about navigating the minefield of feedback. Buckle up.

The Holy Grail: Why We Crave (and Dread) Feedback

Okay, why do we even want feedback? On the surface, it's about improvement, right? To get better, to grow, to not completely screw things up. The "growth mindset" buzzword gets thrown around, and we're all supposed to be eager sponges, soaking up wisdom. And, logically, that makes sense. Studies – well, lots of studies, though I can't cite them exactly right now (my brain’s more of an abstract architect than a librarian) – consistently show that regular, quality feedback leads to higher performance, increased job satisfaction, and, let's be honest, makes us feel like we're actually doing something right.

But here's the thing: it’s not always fun. The emotional rollercoaster of feedback can be brutal. There's the initial nervousness, the gut-check of “Did I mess up?” Then comes the analysis, the internal debate: Is this accurate? Is this person's judgment reliable? Is this a personal attack disguised as constructive criticism? (I've definitely spent hours staring at a particularly vague email, trying to decipher the hidden agenda.)

And let's not forget the potential for ego damage. Hearing about our shortcomings can sting. It can poke holes in the carefully constructed narrative we have about ourselves. Suddenly, that presentation we thought was killer? Turns out, it was more like a lukewarm cup of instant coffee. Ouch.

My Personal Feedback Horror Story (A Quick, Shitty Story)

Remember that time I tried to lead a team project? Ugh. The feedback was… terrible. First, a few people just mumbled about "room for improvement," which was useless. Then, the boss straight-up told me I was "too enthusiastic" (which I took as a roundabout way of saying "annoying"). Zero actionable advice. Zero solutions. I felt like I was flailing in a sea of vague platitudes. It made me question everything. Did I actually suck? Was I completely delusional? It took me weeks and a few (okay, many) venting sessions with friends to recover. It was a disaster.

The Recipe for Gold: What Makes Feedback Actually Helpful

So, how do we avoid my pit of despair? What separates useful feedback from, well, garbage? Here are the key ingredients:

• Specificity, Specificity, Specificity: Generic complaints are useless. "You need to improve your communication skills" is about as helpful as telling a chef to "make the food better." The best feedback pinpoints concrete behaviors. "In the meeting yesterday, you cut Emily off three times before she finished her point" is golden. It gives you something to work with. It's like having a map instead of just wandering aimlessly.

• Focus on Behavior, Not Personality: The goal isn't to attack someone's character, but to address what they did, and what impact it had. Instead of "You're always late," try "I noticed you were late to the last three meetings, which made us get a late start." This keeps it objective and reduces defensiveness.

• Provide Actionable Suggestions: "Your presentation was boring" is useless. "Try adding more visuals, and keeping the language more conversational" is amazing. It offers a path forward, a way to improve. It's like getting a roadmap instead of just a flashing "YOU SUCK" sign.

• Timeliness Is Key: The longer you wait to give feedback, the less impact it has. Recent events are easier to recall and act upon. The best time to give feedback is as soon as possible, ideally while the situation is still fresh in everyone's minds.

• Two-Way Street: Feedback shouldn't be a one-way lecture. Encourage questions. Ask for clarification. Make it a conversation, not a commandment. It allows for a fuller understanding from both sides.

• The Sandwich Method (Proceed With Caution!): Some love it, some hate it. The "good-bad-good" approach ("You did a great job on the introduction. However, you could improve the middle section. Overall, great work!") can work sometimes, but it can also come across as disingenuous. Be genuine. Be honest. If you have to sandwich the criticism, make sure the "good" parts aren't just filler.

Giving Feedback: The Art of Not Being a Jerk (and Actually Being Heard)

So, you're the feedback giver. The pressure is on. How do you do it without sounding like a grumpy old troll?

• Choose the Right Moment and Place: Don't ambush someone in front of their colleagues. Find a private, comfortable setting where they can relax and process. Be mindful of the atmosphere. Be ready to have a real conversation.

• Start with Positive Intent: Frame the feedback in a way that shows you're invested in their success. "I see a lot of potential in your work. I have some suggestions that might help you…" establishes a collaborative tone.

• Use "I" Statements: Instead of blaming ("You always…"), focus on your experience ("I noticed…"). This makes it about your perspective, not an accusation.

• Be Clear and Concise: Don't ramble. Get to the point. Respect the other person's time. A short, focused conversation is often more effective than a long, rambling monologue.

• Listen, Really Listen: Feedback is a dialogue. Give the person a chance to respond, ask questions, and share their perspective. This is possibly the most critical aspect of giving effective feedback, and yet routinely ignored.

• Focus on the Future: Feedback should be about improvement, not dwelling on past mistakes. End with a plan: "Let's work together on x and y moving forward."

The Uncomfortable Truths: When Things Go Wrong (And How to Handle It)

Let's be honest: sometimes, even when you try to give good feedback, it goes sideways. The other person gets defensive, dismissive, or even angry. What do you do?

• Stay Calm. Breathe. Don't escalate the situation. Remember, it's about their behavior, not their personality.

• Reiterate Your Intent: Gently remind them that you're providing feedback to help them grow. Frame yourself as a collaborator, not an adversary.

• Listen, Then Listen Some More: Let them vent. Sometimes, people just need to be heard. Acknowledge their feelings. "I understand why you might feel that way…"

• Be Prepared to Walk Away: If the conversation becomes unproductive, disengage. You can always revisit it later when everyone has calmed down. Don't let it drag it out if it isn't working.

• Reflect: Afterward, analyze what went wrong. What could you have done differently? What can you learn from it? The journey of feedback is a learning process for everyone!

• Know Your Limits: Sometimes, there are situations where you can't help much. It's important to be able to recognize when improvement is blocked by the recipient. Know when you need to accept there isn't a solution that will satisfy everyone.

The Sneaky Stuff: Overcoming Common Feedback Failures

Here are some common problems and how to deal with them:

• The "Nice" Feedback Trap: Overly positive feedback that avoids genuine criticism is useless. It's not helpful, and it can prevent someone from growing. The solution? Be brave. Be honest (in a kind, constructive way). This might be the most important part of all.

• The "Vague" Feedback Flop: "You need to be more proactive" is a waste of breath. Ask specific questions to understand why someone is struggling. Offer concrete examples.

• The "Personal Attack" Peril: If the feedback crosses the line into personal criticism, shut it down. State facts; don't make judgments about who someone is.

• The "Bias" Barrier: We all have biases, conscious or unconscious. Be aware of your own. Try to provide feedback in a way that's fair and objective. This is another tough one but essential.

Looking Ahead: The Future of Feedback (and How to Make it Better)

The world of feedback is constantly evolving. Here are some trends to watch:

• 360-Degree Feedback: Getting feedback from multiple sources (peers, supervisors, subordinates) provides a more holistic view.
• Regular, Informal Feedback: Shifting from the annual performance review to more frequent, ongoing conversations.
• Technology as an Ally: Apps and platforms that facilitate

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Giving Critical Feedback Simon Sinek by Simon Sinek

Title: Giving Critical Feedback Simon Sinek
Channel: Simon Sinek

Alright, grab a coffee (or your beverage of choice!), because we're diving deep into a topic that's crucial for growth: Encouraging Constructive Feedback. Seriously, it’s a game-changer – a superpower, even! – if you learn how to wield it. We all want to be better, right? To level up our skills, our projects, our relationships? Well, constructive feedback is the magic key. But getting it, especially when it's the kind that actually helps, can feel like pulling teeth. Let's get real about how to make it easier, more rewarding, and less…cringe-worthy.

Why the Heck is Feedback So Scary? (And How to Ditch the Dread)

Okay, let's be honest for a hot minute. Receiving feedback can be a minefield. Our egos, they’re fragile things, aren't they? We pour our hearts and souls into something, and then…someone says it could be better? Ouch. It's like, suddenly, you're back in middle school getting a less-than-stellar grade on your volcano project (mine always erupted too soon – seriously, it was embarrassing!).

But, here's the secret weapon against that initial sting: You’ve got to frame it right. Instead of seeing feedback as a judgment, see it as a gift. A chance to refine your work, to spot blind spots, to learn and grow. And that starts with building a culture where giving and receiving feedback isn't just tolerated, it's embraced. We’re talking about cultivating an environment where seeking feedback regularly, asking for specific feedback, and responding to feedback positively, are the norm.

Crafting Your Feedback-Friendly Zone: Building a Foundation

So, how do you actually do this? How do you turn your team (or your own mind!) into a feedback-hungry machine (in the best way possible)? Let’s break it down, starting with the essential building blocks:

• Lead by Example: The Feedback-Seeker. This is HUGE. Be the person who asks for feedback first. Be vulnerable! Share your half-baked ideas. Say things like, "Hey, I'm struggling with this presentation, could you take a look and tell me where I'm losing you?" Or, "I'm not sure if the tone of this email is right. Any thoughts?" When people see you opening yourself up, they'll feel way more comfortable doing the same.

• Define 'Constructive' Very Clearly: This is about more than just saying "be nice." It's about making sure everyone understands what good feedback looks like. Emphasize things like:

  • Specificity: Avoid vague comments like "It's not good." Instead: "The color scheme in the header is distracting and makes the text hard to read, here's an alternative."
  • Actionable Suggestions: Feedback should offer concrete steps for improvement. "Instead of talking about X, try focusing on Y, and show me this instead."
  • Focus on Behavior, Not Personality: "You interrupted Sarah in the meeting" is better than "You're overly aggressive."
  • The Goal: Improvement (Not just Criticism).

• Create Safe Spaces: It's not enough to say feedback is welcome; you need to create an environment where people feel safe giving it. This means:

  • Protecting Psychological Safety: No retribution for raising concerns, ever. (Seriously, this is a non-negotiable!)
  • Anonymous Options: In some cases, anonymous feedback can be incredibly helpful. Give people a way to share their thoughts without fear of repercussions (especially if the situation involves power imbalances). Especially useful in encouraging honest team feedback and improving workplace communication.
  • Setting Boundaries: (Yes, even to "helpful" feedback) Ensure everyone understands the appropriate channels and times to offer constructive criticism.

The Art of Asking for the Right Kind of Feedback

Okay, so you're ready to put your vulnerability hat on. Now, how do you actually get the valuable stuff?

• Target Your Requests: Don't just say, "Give me feedback." Say, "I'm struggling with X, and I'd appreciate your thoughts on Y." Be specific. Do you want feedback on the structure? The clarity of the message? The visuals?
• Ask Focused Questions: Instead of a broad "What do you think?", try:
  • "What was the most confusing part of this?"
  • "Did the conclusion resonate with you?"
  • "What other possible solutions can you give me?"
  • This helps people give more focused feedback.
• Vary Your Methods: Not everyone is comfortable speaking up in meetings. Use:
  • Surveys: Easy for collecting quantitative and qualitative data.
  • 1-on-1 conversations: Great for deeper dives.
  • Written feedback (emails, documents): Gives people time to think and articulate their thoughts.

Handling Feedback Like a Pro (And Avoiding the Defensive Reflex)

This is where the magic truly happens! This is how you transform feedback from a potential threat to a source of serious growth.

• Listen First, Defend Later (Or Never!): Resist the urge to interrupt, argue, or explain. Truly listen to what the other person is saying. Really hear them.
• Thank Them (Even if it Stings): "Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate you taking the time." This disarms defensiveness and sets a positive tone.
• Ask Clarifying Questions: Prove you’re engaged and trying to understand. "Can you tell me more about what made you say that?" "What specifically could I have done differently?"
• Don't Take it Personally (Easier Said Than Done, I Know!): Remember, the feedback is about the work, not about you as a person. It's about improving the outcome.
• Take Notes: Writing things down shows you’re taking the feedback seriously. It also helps you remember the points later.
• Decide What to Use and What to Ignore: You don't have to implement every suggestion. Consider the feedback, weigh it against your goals, and make informed decisions. "I hear what you're saying about X, but based on Y, I'm going to stick with Z for now."
• Follow Up with Action: Show the person you're using their feedback. This reinforces the value of their input.

A Real-Life (And Slightly Humbling) Anecdote

I remember once, I was convinced I'd written an absolutely BRILLIANT sales proposal. I'd spent hours on it, crafting the perfect words, using all the right buzzwords, thinking I’d knock their socks off. I was so puffed up with pride, I could barely stand it. Then, my boss (a woman I deeply respect) gave me some feedback. And it was…brutal. She said it was too wordy, confusing, and didn't actually sell the value proposition. My initial reaction? Pure, unadulterated defensiveness. "But I spent so much time on it!" I wanted to scream.

But then, I took a deep breath (and another, and another). I listened. I asked questions. And slowly, grudgingly, I started to realize she was right. The proposal was a mess. I rewrote it, incorporating her feedback, and… boom. We landed the client. It was then I realized that accepting feedback gracefully is the key. Without it, the ego will always interfere.

Common Pitfalls and How to Dodge Them

• Ignoring Feedback: (The cardinal sin!) If people don't see their input valued, they'll stop giving it.
• Being Defensive: This shuts down the conversation and makes people reluctant to share.
• Not Following Through: This makes the whole exercise feel pointless.
• Creating an Unsafe Environment: This chokes the flow of information.
• Not Being Specific Enough: This leads to vague and unhelpful critiques.

The Big Picture: Why This Matters

Encouraging constructive feedback isn't just a nice-to-have; it's an essential skill for anyone who wants to grow, learn, and succeed. It fosters innovation, improves relationships, and helps you avoid costly mistakes. When you build a culture of feedback, you're building a culture of continuous improvement. You're creating a place where everyone is invested in each other's success.

Conclusion: Your Next Steps

So, what are YOU going to do today to start encouraging constructive feedback? Pick one thing, just one, and commit to it. Maybe it's simply asking for feedback on a project you're working on. Maybe it's being a better listener when someone offers their opinion. Or maybe it's apologizing for the volcano. Whatever it is, take that step. You'll be amazed at the results. Embrace the chaos. The journey won't be perfect, but it will be worth it! Now, go forth and build your feedback-friendly world. Now go build your feedback-friendly world, and start the process of continuous learning

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How to Give & Get Constructive Feedback Dr. Adam Grant & Dr. Andrew Huberman by Huberman Lab Clips

Title: How to Give & Get Constructive Feedback Dr. Adam Grant & Dr. Andrew Huberman
Channel: Huberman Lab Clips

Feedback: The Minefield (and How to Maybe, Possibly, Survive It)

Why Does Feedback Feel Like Getting Kicked in the Teeth?

Oh, honey, buckle up. Because it *often does.* Let's be brutally honest: humans are flawed. We pour our hearts (and often, our sleep-deprived brains) into projects, presentations, even just answering an email. When someone pokes holes in that, it's like they're poking holes in *you*. That defensiveness? Totally normal. I remember once, I presented this *amazing* marketing campaign (in my humble opinion, which, yes, is often wrong) and my boss just… stared at the giant, sparkly headline I'd spent all night crafting. Then he said, "It's... loud." Loud?! My sparkly masterpiece? I wanted to crawl under the table and cry. (I might have, briefly.) It's because we're emotionally invested. It's personal. And, let's be real, sometimes the feedback *is* poorly delivered. A lot of people just don't know how to do it right.

Also, fear of failure is a HUGE factor. If a project fails or gets criticism, it feels like *you* have failed. It's a horrible feedback loop, and one we need to actively break.

Okay, So How *Do* I Actually Use Feedback Without Having a Meltdown?

First, deep breaths. Seriously. I know, it sounds like generic self-help, but it helps. Then, here's my messy, imperfect guide:

• Listen (Really Listen): This is harder than it sounds, especially when your inner voice is screaming, "BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS PERFECT!" Try not to interrupt. Take notes. Even if you think they're wrong, write it down. You might find *something* useful, even if it's just learning what *not* to do next time.
• Ask Clarifying Questions: "Can you give me an example?" or "What specifically didn't work for you?" This is crucial. Vague feedback is useless. Like, if someone says "The presentation was boring," ask *why*? What was the issue? The slides? The delivery? The fact that you were wearing that terrible tie? (Okay, maybe the tie was part of it... avoid the tie.)
• Don't Immediately Defend: I know, it's tempting. "But I did this because…" Resist! Let them finish. You can explain your reasoning later, but first, hear them out. I once had a colleague who would instantly argue with any criticism. He was so busy defending himself, he missed the actual *point* of the feedback. Spoiler alert: his work didn't improve much.
• Look for the Signal, Not the Noise: Sometimes, the feedback will be wrapped in some, shall we say, *less-than-constructive* packaging. Maybe the person is having a bad day, maybe they just don't communicate well. Try to extract the core message. Is there a *real* problem they're pointing out?
• Thank Them (Even if It Hurts): This is also hard. Even if you want to scream, "I'm not wrong, you're wrong!" a simple "Thank you for the feedback" goes a long way. It shows you're open to learning, even if you don't agree with everything. Plus, it's just good manners, something I was forced to learn. I was a bit rebellious.
• Take a Break (If You Need It): It's okay to say, "I need some time to process this." Walk around the block, listen to angry music, eat a cookie. Whatever helps you calm down before diving back in.

How Do I Deal With Feedback That's, Well, Just Plain Wrong?

This is where things get tricky. Because, let's be honest, some people are clueless. Some people will offer advice that is totally wrong. Do not get caught up in arguments. First, is the source: Do they have authority? Is it a peer review? If neither is true, then there's not much to do, so do the following steps:

1. Assess the Source: Are they even qualified to give this feedback? Are they a subject matter expert? Do they understand the context? (It's often the context!)
2. Understand Your Goals: Are the goals or direction set for this project? Are those goals or directions at odds with the feedback? If so, that's important to know.
3. Find an Explanation: Is there an alternate explaination? If so, use that for clarity. Don't get into an argument; instead, give the other side of the coin.

If it is a review or someone with authority, then the best method is to follow these steps:

1. Look Closely for Something Useful: Even the worst feedback might contain a tiny grain of truth. Try to find it.
2. If it’s Completely Detractory, Discuss it Privately: Always be civil, but make sure to include details from the project (or what has been said)
3. If You Still Disagree, That's okay: You don't have to implement every single piece of feedback. Use your own judgment. But remember, the goal is to *improve*, not to win an argument.

Okay, Now How Do *I* Give Feedback Without Making People Want to Hide Under Their Desks?

This is the other side of the coin! And it's just as important. Here's the deal:

• Be Specific: "This presentation was great" is nice, but useless. "Your opening slide really grabbed my attention because..." is much better. Specificity is key.
• Focus on Behavior, Not Personality: Instead of "You're so disorganized," try "I noticed that the project timeline wasn't followed, which caused..." Avoid making the other person feel attacked.
• Sandwich Method (With a Twist): Start with something positive, then the constructive criticism, then a positive closing. (e.g., "I loved the creativity in the first draft, I think the second draft, or new changes would make a better impression, and I really enjoyed your presentation.") It can soften the blow, but don't let the positives be fake. Nobody likes insincere feedback.
• Be Honest (But Kind): You need to be honest, but you also need to be respectful. It's a balance. If something truly sucks, you can't sugarcoat it. Just deliver it in a way that shows you're trying to help, not hurt.
• Offer Solutions (If Possible): Instead of just saying "This doesn't work," suggest alternatives. "Have you considered X? Maybe Y would be a better approach?" This shows you're invested in helping them improve.
• Deliver Feedback Promptly: The longer you wait, the less useful the feedback becomes. Strike while the iron is hot.
• Be Prepared to Do More Than Deliver a Sermon: Feedback works best when you can actively help. Offer to help with the project, for example. This might actually produce better ideas.

What If I'm Just... Terrible at Giving Feedback?

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